
7 Unspoken Rules Of Helping Your Host In The Kitchen
There is no place more sacred (or fraught) to a host than their kitchen space during a party. While your host may present a picture of unflappable poise as they flit about serving guests, there’s a good chance that they’re a little less composed when they steal away to the kitchen to prep those last-minute appetizers.
With the holiday season in full swing, here are seven unspoken rules to keep in mind the next time you find yourself in someone else’s kitchen while they’re hosting.
Rules for Helping Your Host
Stay Out of the Kitchen Unless You’re Invited
Upon your arrival, you can ask, “What may I do to help?” You can also suggest something more specific like, “Would it be helpful for me to fill the glasses with ice?” or “Could you use a hand with the ham?” If your host does not provide you with a task or declines your offer, they’re likely not just being polite. They have things handled, and it’s easier for them to continue with their own workflow than to bring someone else into the mix. In that case, do not insist on helping and stay out of the kitchen.
Avoid Hovering
No matter how close you are to the hostess, you cannot assume that perching on the countertop with a glass of wine “to keep her company” is welcomed. Nor can you assume that your jumping in to help toss the salad or prepare the potatoes is appreciated. Sometimes, all that help proves no help at all.
Keep Unsolicited Opinions to Yourself
Congratulations! Your host has invited you into the holiest of sanctuaries and given you a task. In your own kitchen, you make the rules, but in his, he decides the way things go. Unless he asks for your opinion on the roux, you should keep your thoughts to yourself…even if you know it would thicken up more quickly with another pinch of flour. Don’t take charge, either: You can play dictator around your own island.
Avoid Bringing Dishes that Require a Lot of Assembly
Unless you have no other option (or you have received express permission from your host), do not bring a dish that requires you to hog too much space or precious cooking tools. Hosting is a well-choreographed dance, and you don’t want to cause your hostess to miss a step, or worse, trip, because you both need the stand mixer. A little bit of preparation is fine (and expected!) but try to keep it to a minimum.
Leave Things Cleaner Than You Found Them
You should never leave your host’s kitchen in a state of disarray. Once your task is complete, tidy up your workspace. Tuck away any ingredients that are no longer necessary; put dirty dishes in the correct spot (ask your host about their preferred system—people are very particular about this, you know); and clean the counter. This makes for smoother, more efficient meal prep (no clutter!), plus it will save your host some time when they clean up at the party’s end.
Don’t Make Them Tell You Twice
If you ask if you can help and your host says “oh no, I’m fine, please enjoy yourself…” you should take them at their word and not insist. Nobody likes to repeat themselves. When your help is declined, don’t be pushy. Instead, get out of the kitchen and do what they actually did tell you to do: go enjoy yourself elsewhere.
Do Not Dig Around
Small spills and full garbage cans come with the territory. If you notice a situation that needs to be taken care of, alert your host and let them handle things. Taking matters into your own hands when it means rifling through your host’s messy cupboards or closets for trashbags, paper towels, or cleaning supplies, is more stressful than helpful—especially if they hastily shoved a bunch of things in there before guests arrived.
More Southern Party Rules
While some traditional holiday etiquette rules may no longer apply, there are still quite a few to consider to ensure you’re a gracious guest. Mind your Ps and Qs at your next party by reading up on more holiday manners every Southerner should know: