There are a lot of dating trend terms out there—gaslighting, love bombing, ghostlighting, etc. And now, a new one has entered the chat: floodlighting.

While it may feel like there are perhaps too many trendy terms at times, the truth is that they can help us better understand and describe unwelcome or even potentially dangerous behavior in our relationships. And one of the best places to see these play out? Reality dating shows, of course!

As for floodlighting, it’s basically a way to describe someone trying to push for deep intimacy too fast and too soon. For a potential example of this, look to the latest season of Love Is Blind, where some have accused Madison of floodlighting her potential partner Alex as a way to move quicker to an engagement. (Then again, one could also argue that’s the point of the whole show?)

So, what does floodlighting actually mean then? Jessica and Louella Alderson, co-founders of the dating app So Synced, help us dig a little deeper.

What is floodlighting?

Imagine floodlighting as literally putting your relationship under the spotlight—even when the other party or the relationship itself might not be ready for such harsh, uncompromising attention.

“Floodlighting in dating is about using vulnerability as a high-intensity spotlight,” says Jessica. “It involves sharing a lot of personal details all at once—to test the waters, speed up intimacy, or see if the other person can ‘handle’ these parts of you.”

Is floodlighting really that harmful?

Jessica says that while floodlighting isn’t always completely terrible, it can be more harmful than you might think.

Here are some of the reasons why:

• Risk of exploitation: While vulnerability is essential in building a strong relationship, there’s a time and place for different levels. By sharing too much too quickly, you may be putting yourself at risk of being exploited or taken advantage of by someone who may not have your best interests at heart.
• Creates imbalanced dynamics: Healthy relationships require a somewhat balanced exchange of vulnerability and emotional sharing. When one person is floodlighting, it can create roles where one person is seen as the “emotional caretaker” and the other as the “vulnerable, fragile one.”
• False sense of intimacy: By quickly forming an intense emotional connection, floodlighting can create a false sense of intimacy that may not be sustainable in the long run. Instead of getting to know each other gradually and building a solid foundation, floodlighting can mean that you’ve shared the deepest parts of yourself before getting to really know the other person.
• Stems from a place of insecurity: Oversharing often stems from the fear of not being enough. It can be a way of preempting rejection by showing your most vulnerable self and hoping the other person will accept it. It’s like showing all your cards in a poker game in the hope that full disclosure will prevent any surprise judgments in the future.
• Feelings of overwhelm: If someone is floodlighting, it can lead to the person on the receiving end feeling overwhelmed and even suffocated. It can be emotionally taxing to handle such intense disclosures and feelings in a short amount of time. In addition, the floodlighter can end up feeling exposed and off-balance.

Common signs of floodlighting in relationships

According to Jessica, these are some common signs to look out for: