While speaking at Hamilton College on April 4, 2025, former president Barack Obama offered up a vulnerable detail about his personal life and relationship with his wife Michelle Obama. According to the Daily Mail, Barack admitted to being in “a deep deficit with my wife.” There have been rumors swirling around the Obamas that they might be headed for divorce, and both Michelle and Barack have admitted to an imbalance in the relationship during his presidency. In Michelle’s memoir “Becoming,” she digs into her feelings of having to put her career on hold to support Barack, which is most likely what Barack was referencing when he said, “I have been trying to dig myself out of that hole.”

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It’s no secret that Barack and Michelle’s relationship has shifted since they left the White House. In fact, it’s become fairly clear that Michelle has taken the opportunity to reclaim some of her space since they departed the national stage. Perfect examples of this include Michelle’s glaring absence at Jimmy Carter’s funeral as well as her refusal to attend the second inauguration of Donald Trump. This left Barack to attend both events solo, causing a bit of a stir.

However, it is possible that just because Michelle is hanging back, it doesn’t mean the marriage is completely over. Again, this could be Barack doing his diligence to make up for what the couple sees as a deficit created by how much Michelle had to sacrifice while Barack was in office. In fact, Michelle might have already laid the groundwork for this to happen, and most of us missed it.

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After completing her second memoir, “The Light We Carry,” Michelle Obama hit the promotional circuit to discuss her book as well as her marriage to Barack Obama. In an interview with NPR, Michelle fielded questions regarding how to find longevity in a marriage — as she and Barack have been married for over three decades. Michelle admitted that in her relationship with Barack, “somebody was always giving way more.” She then detailed several of the reasons people have worried about Michelle and Barack’s marriage, such as having to take a back seat to her husband’s career. “We have to understand that marriage is never 50/50,” Michelle said.

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However, Michelle has also pointed out that relationships are full of compromise and that, at some point, the effort given at different times by each partner should even out — even if it doesn’t feel that way. She also mentioned in her interview that people looking to get into committed relationships should expect “long stretches of discomfort.” It seems the Obamas just might be in one of those currently, with Barack writing Michelle a confusing birthday post in January.

However, in a moment of honesty, Michelle also admitted, “I think it’s important for us … not to glamorize what a partnership feels like.” This suggests that her need for space and Barack’s continued solo outings might just be the couple trying to remind everyone that relationships are messy and take work.

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