How to discuss sextortion with your teen
The National Crime Agency (NCA) has launched an awareness campaign about the growing threat of online sextortion, as more and more teenage boys are being blackmailed by gangs posing as young women.
The Metropolitan Police defines sextortion as a form of online blackmail in which criminals threaten to release sexual images, videos, or personal information of victims unless they pay money or comply with other demands.
While this type of crime can affect anyone, NCA reports that 90% of sextortion victims are boys aged 14 to 17.
Officials have cautioned that boys as young as 14 are being targeted by criminals on platforms like Snapchat and Instagram, being pressured into sending explicit images before being extorted for around £100.
We spoke with Sheena Peckham, content lead at the online safety non-profit organisation Internet Matters, who shared insights into how this crime can affect victims and offered some valuable tips on how to approach the topic with your teen in a thoughtful and caring manner.
How does it impact victims?
“Children who have been the victims of sextortion might struggle to tell someone about it because they’re afraid, embarrassed or ashamed,” recognises Peckham. “Perpetrators depend on these feelings for their scam to work; if a child doesn’t want their photo shared with family, they’re unlikely to be upfront about it with family.
“So, they might keep the abuse to themselves and struggle to get the right support. This can clearly negatively impact their overall wellbeing and mental health.”
Why is it important for parents talk to their teens about sextortion?
“Having conversations with your teen about issues like sextortion can help them recognise the behaviours that might lead to sextortion, which can help them protect themselves from harm by blocking and reporting the perpetrator,” highlights Peckham.
“More than that, having open conversations about tough issues like sextortion means that, if your child does become a victim, they are less likely to hide it from you due to embarrassment.”
So, here are some tips on how to approach this tricky topic with your teen…
Don’t interrogate them
“Avoid having the conversation in a way that feels like an interrogation (i.e. saying I need to talk to you and having a sit-down conversation),” says Peckham. “Instead, talk about it while you’re doing something else – like during a drive, out for a walk or over dinner.”
Use the news as a conversation opener
“Use something you’ve seen in the news or media to start the conversation,” recommends Peckham. “For example, did you hear about X? What do you think about that? What could have been done differently?”
Ask questions based on curiosity
“Try asking questions like, Have you heard of sextortion? What would you tell a friend who was dealing with it? What advice would you give?” suggests Peckham.
Keep an open dialogue about their online lives
“Creating that space for openness is really important, and regular conversations can help with that,” says Peckham. “It’s less scary to tell a parent that you’re experiencing an issue when you know your parent already has some understanding and interest about your online life.”
Stay calm and avoid judgement
“Regardless of what information comes out of your conversation, stay calm and think before speaking,” advises Peckham. “If your knee-jerk reaction is ‘why would you do that?’ then a child is less likely to come back to you.
“Instead, ask them how their choice made them feel. For example, ask is there something they would do differently? Is there anything you can help with?”
What should parents do if they find out their child has been a victim of this?Firstly, gather evidence of the sextortion messages and report the incident to the police.
“Keep evidence of the sextortion messages (such as screenshots) – make sure to collect evidence before blocking the perpetrator as some messages will not be accessible after a user is blocked,” advises Peckham. Then report the sextortion to the police.
“You can contact them on 101 or you can make a report to the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (CEOP). If there is immediate danger, call 999.”Then, if images or videos of your child end up online, use the Report Remove tool or Take It Down to get them removed, adds Peckham.
These incidents can feel very distressing, so remember to keep checking up on their mental health and wellbeing.
“Encourage children to talk, either with you or with helplines such as Childline, many of which also have messaging services if a child prefers to text or chat instead of call,” recommends Peckham.
