I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your body is designed for pleasure. Despite the sorry state of sex education in the United States, which has pushed an antipleasure, antiqueer, abstinence-only agenda for decades, masturbation is a healthy, normal part of a lot of people’s sex lives.

But for many, the lack of proper sex education leaves people with a lot of questions: How do women masturbate? What are different ways to masturbate? What are some masturbation techniques? This is especially true for women, nonbinary people, and trans folks, who tend to learn even less about their bodies and pleasure sites than cis men.

The most important thing to remember when it comes to self-pleasure is just that: pleasure. It’s not about reaching an orgasm or judging your body or its reactions. Self-pleasure is about getting in touch with your desire and letting go of expectations. It’s an opportunity to check in with your body, learn what turns you on, and enjoy sexual exploration in an environment of your choosing. But before we get into how to experience this immense amount of pleasure, let’s start with the basics.

Experts Featured in This Article

Angie Rowntree is an indie filmmaker and the director and founder of feminist porn site Sssh.com.

Marla Renee Stewart is a certified sexologist, sexual strategist, author, and an intimacy, relationship, and sex coach.

What Is Masturbation?

By definition, “masturbation is the act of stimulating your genitals and other erogenous zones for pleasure and orgasm,” feminist porn director and expert Angie Rowntree tells PS.

This, of course, will look different for everyone. Some people use their fingers or a pillow; other people prefer a sex toy. Some people will do it in the shower; other people will do it while lying in bed. Some masturbate standing up. However you masturbate, know that “it’s an excellent tool for both sexual exploration and self-care,” Rowntree adds. “It also allows you to literally take control of your pleasure on your own terms, which many people find empowering.”

And masturbation isn’t just for people who aren’t having regular partnered sex. “Whether you are flying solo or have a partner, masturbation can go a long way toward helping your overall sex life,” Rowntree says.

How to Masturbate

The first thing experts recommend before you start masturbating is to check in with yourself. What do you need to get comfortable? Take your surroundings into account: Choose a place where you feel relaxed and won’t be interrupted, and won’t be disturbing others. From there, the options are many — you can masturbate in the shower or bath, bed, or even on the floor.

Next, it can be helpful to curate your space with things that help you get in the mood. You might reach for a tube of lube, which will decrease friction and could make playing with toys or fingers more comfortable. When choosing between a silicone-based, water-based, or oil-based lube, experts note that there are always a few things to keep in mind: For use in the shower or bath, opt for a silicon-based lube because it’s thicker and won’t wash away as easily as water-based lube. If using a silicon-based sex toy, always pair it with a water-based lube, because a silicone lube can degrade the quality of your toy. And finally, oil-based lubes are best for skin-to-skin masturbation, but they’re not condom safe.

The Best Sex Toys For Masturbating

Sex toys are the next thing to consider. Toys are popular for masturbation because they provide a variety of sensations, are adaptable to an individual’s needs, and don’t tire out as easily as human hands. (Just make sure they’re good and charged up!) For those who love internal sex (also known as penetration) and clitoris stimulation simultaneously, curved rabbit vibrators are widely beloved. Rabbits, like the Sweet Vibes Perfect Match ($23), offer dual stimulation.

For a more subtle, ergonomically dynamic toy, try the Dame Fin ($49), which easily slips onto your fingers.

Another great option is a grinding-friendly toy like the Cute Little Fucker Coral Star ($79), which adapts well to all genitalia.

Hands-free toys are also an option, like the Dame Eva ($140), which fits snugly over your clit.

There are plenty of gender-neutral sex toys and other options made with accessibility in mind, like the MysteryVibe Crescendo ($194, originally $299), which is an especially great hands-free toy that has separate designs for vulvas and penises. And speaking of penises, a cock ring could be another great option for stimulation during a masturbation sesh.

Get in the Mood

Once you have all your sexcessories in order, decide how you want to get yourself in the mood. You might enjoy watching ethical, feminist porn or other video clips online, reading literotica, or listening to a masturbation playlist. Whatever you decide, it’s best to have everything you need ready to go, so you don’t have to get up or fumble around just as you’re getting into the right headspace.

Finally, experts recommend that you take some time to turn yourself on — at least every once in a while. (Who’s got time for hourly solo sessions every afternoon!?) Occasionally, or as often as you can, it’s a great exercise to explore your body with your hands or a toy without rushing to your genitals. Explore your other erogenous zones like your head, neck, nipples, hips, and thighs, and allow the tension to build up. Then, when you can’t take it anymore, touch your genitals. Experiment with pressure and different stroking motions.

For those with vulvas, you can mix internal and external stimulation. For clit masturbation, lube up your fingers, and experiment with circular motions, pressure, and short and long strokes. You can also add in G-spot stimulation, which is an erogenous area located an inch or so inside the vagina with a bumpy texture. To find the G-spot, feel around on the top wall of the vagina — nearest to your belly button — with your fingers, and look for the signature bumpy texture. When you’ve found it, move your fingers in a “come hither” motion or move your toy gently towards your belly button to activate the G-spot.

For those with penises, try stroking the penis with a cupped hand, using soft, up-and-down motions and varying pressure. Generally, you want to start with slower strokes up and down the penis, and as you feel yourself become more and more aroused, pick up the pace. With your other hands, feel, massage, hold, or gently tug on your balls. As an alternative to stroking the entire penis, try paying attention to the head, which is a very sensitive spot for many. Massage the head with an open palm, fingers, or a vibrator, while the other hand holds either the base of the penis or balls.

Masturbation Techniques

If you’re just starting to experiment with masturbation, the best thing to do is get creative with what you try. If you’ve had partnered sex before, think about what sex positions you enjoyed in the past. Do you love being on top? Doggy style? Receiving oral sex? Whatever it is, incorporate those positions into your masturbation techniques.

For example, if you like doggy, lie on your tummy, and grind on your hands or a toy. If you like being on top, straddle a toy, or bounce on a mounted dildo. And if you enjoy cunnilingus or blow jobs, there are a ton of toys that mimic oral sex.

For those who already feel comfortable masturbating, consider incorporating more temperature play. You can heat up your hands with warm water before touching your body or invest in a self-warming toy. A showerhead with lukewarm (not hot!) water is a great way to blend intense stimulation with a layered sensation, too.

“For those folks who are a little more experienced with masturbating, I highly suggest experimenting with different combination methods,” sexologist Marla Renee Stewart says. “Masturbation in different places with different objects can be fun, too! Change up the scenery, the objects, [or] the time of day to find a good combo for an unexpected orgasm.”

If you want to combine toys and feel something a little more intense, add anal play into the mix. There’s a misconception that anal sex hurts, but when done slowly and with a lot of lube, it can lead to a more intense orgasm and a whole new area of your body to explore. For a subtle introduction to anal play, try small toys with a flared base, like a butt plug. (Just remember to never use a vibrator, dildo, or toy for butt play without a flared base because it could get stuck.)

If you’re craving a little more guidance on techniques, you can also try a guided masturbation session that will instruct you on where to touch your body and how.

Masturbation Positions

There’s an endless number of possibilities when it comes to masturbation positions, and as long as you’re comfortable, there’s no “wrong” way to do it. That said, the following positions can get you started.

Pillow masturbation is a great option for people with vulvas, and it’s really simple. Get up on your knees, and place a pillow firmly between your legs. Next, sink your hips down into the pillow, and start grinding against the pillow. This is entirely clit stimulation, so if you feel aroused but the pressure isn’t intense enough, you can place a vibrator between you and the pillow (or even in your underwear or spandex shorts, so the toy stays firmly in place) and move your body against the pillow with varying pressure until you orgasm.

Another masturbating position involves you on your back. You can prop up your legs on pillows, extend them against a wall, or just let your knees fall apart and rest near your hips. With your legs relaxed, give attention to your inner thighs. Try teasing yourself with strokes and pinches to your thighs. Wait until you’re fully aroused, and then start playing with your genitals. This is probably the most comfortable position to masturbate, and it won’t put a lot of strain on your body, meaning you can focus more on pleasure.

Finally, try kneeling on all fours. Find a surface that won’t hurt your knees or hands (like a bed or a yoga mat on the floor), and begin touching yourself. This position is an alternative to lying on your back or side, and it’s a great option to engage your entire body while masturbating. Stay on all fours (or three if you’re using your hand) while stimulating your genitals, and experiment with your leg positioning. For some, it’s best to keep the legs a comfortable distance apart, while others like to squeeze their legs together and tense up. If you want to focus on squeezing your legs together and grinding, use a hands-free toy.

Remember, no matter what you’re into, it’s always worth taking the time to invest in self-pleasure.