Name: Doggie bags.

Age: According to the Smithsonian magazine, about 85 years.

Appearance: A box of old food.

Oh, I love a doggie bag. Well, you’re just about the only one.

What? But there’s a grand tradition of leaving a restaurant with your leftovers. Maybe in the US, where portions are traditionally larger. But they’ve never really caught on in the UK.

Why is that? Well, it could be down to a number of factors. First, there’s the intrinsic shame of asking a waiter to put your leftovers in a box.

What else? It just isn’t very romantic, is it? A good restaurant is as much about lighting and ambience and service as it is food. Going home with half a steak sloshing about in cold gravy in a polystyrene tray isn’t really the same.

But I thought doggie bags were back. That’s what they said a couple of years ago. Even high-end places such as the Fat Duck were offering leftovers to go in a bid to cut down on food waste. But when was the last time you saw people leave a restaurant with their food in a bag?

Good point. Anyway, the US – the spiritual home of the doggie bag – seems to be falling out of love with the practice too. A recent piece in the New York Times claims fewer people are asking to take their food home.

Why? Some say that it’s a generational thing, with food-ordering services meaning that people are less inclined to eat day-old food. Others suggest that if large groups of people share food, then deciding who gets to take what home becomes a logistical nightmare.

But what about the food waste? Well, that really is a problem. It’s estimated that the average American leaves 24kg of food on their plates every year, at a cost of $329 (£254).

So you agree, doggie bags are a good thing after all. Well, perhaps. Even France – a country that doesn’t have a French name for “les doggie bags” – is trying to encourage their use to cut down on waste.

Glad we’re on the same page. Another way to cut down on waste would be to just make each serving small enough for a person to eat in a single sitting.

Where’s the fun in that? Listen, some of us know our own limits. We don’t rock up to restaurants with the expectation that we’re about to Man v Food our way to a clogged colon.

Speak for yourself. You’re disgusting.

Do say: “Package up my leftovers, please.”

Don’t say: “Please make it extra congealed.”