The top 10 signs of a millennial midlife crisis
A red Ferrari, leather trousers and a much younger girlfriend: spotting the signs of a midlife crisis used to be easy. The first whiff of a “man cave” or new vehicle purchase and we knew our dads were on the brink. But in 2025, when age-gap relationships are everywhere and high street shops – from Marks and Spencer to Mango – won’t rest until the whole of the UK’s legs are in leather, the warning signs older millennials are going through an existential breakdown can be a little tougher to identify than in previous generations.
Particularly, as sufferers won’t even admit they’re even having one. Last year, 81 per cent of millennials claimed they can’t afford a midlife crisis, while more than half added they simply don’t have the time for one. But surely, the nagging feeling youth is slipping away doesn’t just vanish when there aren’t the resources to handle it. No, the midlife crisis is still here and thriving –millennial coping mechanisms have just got faster, stronger, and more cheugy…
High intensity pursuits
Quite possibly the closest thing polite society has to a socially accepted cult, Hyrox sees fitness freaks (who almost always have their tops off) race to finish an exercise course so gruelling participants almost certainly don’t have time to question the meaning of life. Honourable mentions for existential crisis activities go to rock climbing, padel and, of course, cycling.
Taking a trip to Turkey
It starts with preventative Botox and it ends with a return flight to Istanbul for a hair transplant. Where Regaine used to be the preferred solution to keep your hair on, having thousands of tiny holes punctured in your scalp and filled with new follicles for a discount price overseas is now the mode du jour.
Becoming an internet warrior
Karens aren’t born; they evolve. And many millennials who become deeply unsatisfied with life find the place to vent their frustrations is online. The signs are subtle at first, maybe a needlessly savage remark left in an influencer’s comment section on Instagram. But soon could follow an anonymous X or Reddit account – or worse, a podcast – where the true fire, fury, and conspiracy theories will be unleashed. Think Reform UK-esque rants or paragraphs about the pros of unpasteurised milk.
Ice baths
Cate Blanchett loves them, Jennifer Aniston swears by them, but a sudden penchant for ice baths could signify a well of sadness inside that even a vat of arctic temperature water can’t freeze over. Anyone who goes wild swimming in the depths of winter is probably trying to numb something beyond their toes, too.
Divorce memoirs
From Miranda July’s All Fours to Liars by Sarah Manguso, Splinters by Leslie Jamison, or This American Ex-Wife by Lyz Lenz, bookshop shelves are bursting with memoirs and autofiction about women emerging from the embers of their break-ups ready to start their midlife anew. This genre boom could just be literary escapism. Either that, or readers are hunting for an instruction manual.
Getting a bit too into streetwear
If we’ve learnt anything from Rishi Sunak’s Adidas Samba fiasco, it’s that a mistimed pair of trainers can send alarm bells ringing through the nation. There’s nothing wrong with a sprinkling of streetwear brands in a carefully curated wardrobe – just probably not in combination with, or in lieu of – a suit. Nobody wants to hear their manager claiming they’ve “really gotten into gorpcore” while rocking a pair of Salomons with a tailored trouser.
Moving to Australia
“Catch flights not feelings,” is undoubtedly the millennial equivalent to “live, laugh, love” and there’s nowhere getting more expat action from those wanting to Peter Pan it up for a few more years than Australia. Nearly 50,000 people moved down under from the UK on a working holiday visa last year in the hope that life’s problems would remain nine hours behind them if they legged it to the opposite end of the earth.
Psychedelic retreats
Whether it’s glugging a mug of ceremonial Ayahuasca tea in South America or, for those too genteel to throw their guts up, hopping on a flight to Amsterdam for a legal five-day-long guided mushroom retreat, “finding yourself” is now apparently about losing yourself in psychedelic substances. In 2025, there’s always at least one 40-plus-year-old lurking in the corner of a party waiting to tell someone how a shaman changed their life. Don’t let it be you.
Sleep tech
Going to sleep at night used to just mean sliding under the covers and turning the light off. Yet thanks to the Bryan Johnson-ification of bedtime, everyone is sticking on their mouth tape, strapping on their Whoop bands and firing up their Oura rings to track not only how long they’ve rested but just how hard they’ve hit REM sleep, alongside a smorgasbord of other biohacking data.
A sudden over-investment in astrology
I say this one with regret, but the planets can’t be to blame for everyone’s problems all of the time. And, whether chaos is allegedly coming from a solar eclipse or a mercury retrograde, there’s an argument to be made for running to a therapist before (perhaps, instead of) turning to a tarot card reader. But really, either a medium or a medic will do – as long as they tell everyone what the hell to do next.
