Woman ‘broken’ by husband’s request after six years of marriage
A woman has detailed her heartbreak after her husband said he no longer wants to have a romantic relationship with her – but wants to stay married.
In an anonymous post made on the advice forum Mumsnet, the woman detailed that the pair had been together for 12 years, married for six of those years and have a daughter under the age of 10.
She wrote that her husband had seemed “off” so she asked if he wanted to talk, which is when he said he’s not felt right in himself “for the last year and doesn’t see us working going forward”.
The poster said that her husband said he still “loves” her and wants to carry on living as is, sharing their home, finances, and plans – but without being “together or intimate”.
The news came totally “out of the blue”, she said, adding: “I’m so broken, it has genuinely came out of the blue for me, beyond the usually bickers of a long term relationship I genuinely thought we were happy and a great couple and this was the furthest thing from my mind.”
The anonymous writer said she wants to stay for the sake of her daughter but also can’t practically see how the dynamic would work.
“I just can’t imagine my future without him being my husband, I still love, fancy, adore him and he’s my best friend. I just feel so lonely and unloved.”
She posed the question to people reading, asking: “Has anyone ever been in this situation and it worked, you’ve been able to live harmoniously with the man you love but not together?”
The post has received more than 100 responses on the forum, with most commenters prompting her to leave the marriage completely, questioning whether her husband was having an affair.
“There’s someone else, sorry OP [original poster], get your ducks in order and leave,” said one commenter.
“He wants his cake and to eat it, doesn’t he? Said another. “He doesn’t get to call the shots here. If he doesn’t want you as his wife/partner, then he leaves. You deserve much better than this.”
Another person suggested that counselling would be helpful before they make any big decisions.
However, in an update shared four days later, the anonymous poster revealed that the commenter’s suspicions were correct.
“I asked him this morning point blank and as you all guessed it was deny deny deny,” she began.
“He tried to call it a mistake which is when I reminded him a mistake would be it happening when you were drunk, you took it beyond mistake when you have continually been in contact daily and planning the next meet up. Knowing this has given me the validation that I won’t be going back,” she said.
Although she said she was “sad and angry”, knowing the truth meant she was no longer “picking apart every little bit of myself”.
She added that he will “never see a single tear from me again, I will hold my head high during the day and cry myself to sleep if I have to but he won’t have the satisfaction of seeing his effect on me”.
“I’ve got a great set of friends and family, a great job, enough wage that I don’t have to rely on anyone else, so I know I’ll be okay, I never needed to be with him, but I wanted to.”
She concluded: “I appreciate everyone’s advice and support on here so thank you all so much! I know I was naive to start with but my eyes are well and truly open now.”
She was met with overwhelming support from other people on the forum.
“Well done you OP for showing such strength and positivity in this awful situation,” one reader said. “He is a fool. All good wishes to you going forward.”
Another person said: “At least you know what you are dealing with now. I’m sorry that he followed the script but you will come out of this sorry mess a stronger woman.”
One commenter advised her that “shock can take a while to sink in, especially when you’ve been running on adrenaline”.
“Take good care of yourself and don’t be too hard on yourself if you have a wobble or a delayed reaction,” they added.
